The Silent Craving Behind My Success

Often, we navigate life with a calm exterior, displaying resilience and fortitude—a shield that conceals what truly lies beneath. What people see is usually far removed from the quiet battles we fight within. For me, that unseen struggle has been a life of longing—a persistent craving for resources, companionship, and a deeper sense of belonging.

To the outside world, I am an accomplished man—years spent as a school principal, guiding young minds, mentoring teachers, and fostering a sense of purpose. My career, my books, my consultation services—all these milestones might suggest a life of abundance, both materially and emotionally. But what most people don’t know is the depth of loneliness that has often shadowed me, despite these successes.

Born in Kathmandu and raised in the mystical hills of Nepal, my childhood was coloured by discipline, education, and tradition. However, even during those formative years, I encountered struggles that marked my path. Resources were often scarce, and pursuing education became more of an uphill journey than a privilege. The comfort of friends, stability, and love seemed distant, almost unreachable—like a mirage in a desert I was destined to walk alone.

Much of my life has been spent overcoming not just professional challenges, but personal voids that persisted in the background. I learned to smile through it, to carry on with a stiff upper lip, as is expected of someone in my position. The outward appearances of success often belied the emotional isolation I felt deep within.

Loneliness is a peculiar companion. It doesn’t announce itself with fanfare but quietly settles into the cracks of your life. I remember times when, even in the bustling environment of a school or during festive gatherings, I would feel a profound isolation. Despite the outward success, I often felt as though I was drifting through a sea of faces, with no anchor to hold me steady.

The struggle didn’t end with career accomplishments. Even after retirement, the same familiar void has often revisited me. With social circles shrinking and professional relevance fading, I have grappled with a sense of being left out. There’s a strange silence when the phone stops ringing as often, when WhatsApp chats turn into mere forwards, and when friends become distant memories rather than present companions.

But I must also acknowledge the extraordinary grace of God that has, time and again, offered me mercy when I’ve needed it most. Just when I felt utterly alone, there would be a moment of unexpected kindness—whether it was a stranger’s help in a time of need or a fleeting conversation that touched my soul in ways I hadn’t expected. These moments of grace remind me that though life has often felt sparse, there’s always been something greater at work, guiding me forward.

My love for music has been a refuge in these moments. The melodies of Mukesh, Jim Reeves, and the classical strains of Hindustani ragas have filled the voids words could not. They’ve accompanied me in my solitude, comforting me with their timeless tunes. Music, in its own quiet way, has been my most loyal companion, helping me navigate the emotional tides of life.

As I pen down these thoughts, I do so not from a place of complaint, but from a place of reflection. Life has been generous in its lessons, though not always in its comforts. And perhaps, that is the essence of my journey—a path filled with unseen challenges, but one that has made me who I am today. The silent cravings of my heart, the yearnings for connection, for a sense of belonging, have shaped my resilience.

So, as you see me today, a man who has achieved much, understand that behind those successes lies a world few have seen—a world of quiet longings, of personal griefs carried without complaint, and of a spirit that has learned to survive in solitude. It is this unspoken truth that most people don’t know about me, and perhaps, it’s what truly defines who I am.